My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
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It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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