There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
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As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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