i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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