If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize