we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
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So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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