Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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