also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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