She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize