I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize