dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize