We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish you could order shots online.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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