i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize