Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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