I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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