...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I love having hate sex.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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