I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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