there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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