you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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