I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
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I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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