If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize