im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize