Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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