I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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