Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
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I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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