someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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