dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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