There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize