Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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