Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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