I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize