are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize