i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
