this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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