I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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