we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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