you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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