if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize