I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My breath smells like gin and sadness
True college students do jello shots in the library
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