Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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