im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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