How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize