I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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