Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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