Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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