You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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