I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize