mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize