I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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