So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize