I could make wine with my vomit
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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