If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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