i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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